In the middle of a rock & hard

Kicking a habit is easy, all you need is motivation. But, with the detox comes a cocktail of emotions. With this post, I’m going to share with you readers, where I am at.

The love that every often seems a grasp away, is yet a grasp away. And, with some weird luck, I’m passing off as a non-anxiety ridden person. No thanks to drugs and all hail ‘el musica’. For its been quite some time, that I’ve quit the ‘anxiety pills’. If I’m right, it did more harm than good.

But, one look at the mirror, I’m happy. Tired truly from the work, ready to hit the hay. A lesson learned, from the loss of a gig. A high profile gig, turned sour. Thanks to many, especially that one girl who is all cute and smiley – but when it comes to work she is a tortoise, in a rat race.

How did I mess up?

To be frank, I fucked up the opportunity. Wasn’t prepared to handle the workload. And, all thanks to her no one to guide or coach me through. Damn you gal!!!

It’s just making me Hulky!

I made wrong choices, one of which was self-delusion and medication. Upping the dosage reversed the reaction. Anxiety returned like a monster, in the pretence of a self-confident  – walking tall bloke.

If it were no more regrets

They say, regrets don’t matter. But, let me break it open when I’m sober. Rushing up, without proper gear and army – doomed to die be it Cap America or Bruce the Lee. And, who was I?

One strong one weak?

Speaking in the local language, and occupied in the rat race – I have become distant with English. No time to read, the half finished Paulo Coelho still staring me silly! I take a look at my words, are they mine? Is this my style? Has it been corrupted from other formats. In the name of SEO, traction and other BS?

Nothing more to complain, there I’ve written more than 300 words, that’s ought to satisfy the bots. Damn scrawlers spoiling my ramblings. Nazis ruining my thought flow with rules.

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Growing up to love

‘Swingers’ is a movie I enjoy every often. It’s almost an equivalent to ‘Chasing Amy’.

The movie beautifully treads on – what seems to be a huge chunk of my adult life.

To be obsessed over this lost, once perfect (in a dream maybe) relationship. That is pristine in its perfection, etched like ‘David’.

I tried to implement the love lessons from this movie. Take a look at the wonderful dialogue that is exchanged between John Favreau and Ron Livingston (‘Office Space’).

Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is, man. It’s like, you wake up every day and it hurts a little bit less, and then you wake up one day and it doesn’t hurt at all. And the funny thing is, is that, this is kinda wierd, but it’s like, it’s like you almost miss that pain.

I’m way over the missing the pain phase. Sometimes it’s like, I used to care so much. And, I might switch back to ‘where is she’ & ‘what’s she doing’ phase like Kabali Khan. But, not anymore.

If we’re having an okayish life being far away. Without much interaction and missing of any kind; is there any point in looking back?

Maybe this is me growing up like Mike (John). Only there were very few Trent-s (Vince Vaughn) and Rob-s in my life. To give me a perfect man-o-man talk.

If you’re in doubt. Hungover a girl?

There are other beauties to be hungover with. Absolut Vodka and Jack Old No.7 are a few to name. go check out the movie. Will be sharing a few more favourites of mine. Cheerios muchachoos 🙂

 

How many dreamless sleeps have you had?

“A hard day’s night. And, I’ve been sleeping like a log. – The Beatles”

So goes the song. If my memory serves me right. It’d be close to a handful. That. I’ve actually slept like a log.

Heavy work weeks give me nightmares. Deadlines this. Submissions that. Whoa give me some room for my life!

The weekend parties can wait. I’ve decided to take one off. Wanted to finish Coelo’s Brida in a day. It’s a good read. But, man oh man. Was I tired?

All the drama and politics at work. I regretted my decision to help out a kiddy colleague. Who am I to interfere in her romantic life? But, couldn’t be a bystander at a street row. Women beaters must be jailed. Tortured. And then, sentenced to death.

Any who. The sleep was necessary. Sometimes the body takes what it wants. Then, we realise the importance. Feeling rejuvenated. Ready to face the oncoming work week.

But, wait. The clothes needs to be washed. Pressed and. The match. Can’t miss the Ind vs Pak. Maybe in a decent pub. Crowdy atmosphere. Collective intelligence gathered on a single purpose. Wanting to see our nation win. Yeah. Am on for it.

Balancing work – life isn’t an art. No BS. We just need to set our priorities right. If we’re buried with work. For a fixed pay. Hoping for recognition. Appreciation. No shit. It’s all work and no play.

Hemingway put it eloquently:

It’s just juvenile to expect people to work as per the pay. Many organisations do this mistake. Asking someone to work based on the amount they’ve agreed to pay.

Instead, be forthright. Quote how much you can afford. For the work, the potential employee is ready to pull out. Keeping clear deliverables helps reducing unwanted conflicts.

All I want from an organisation is to say the lines. “Work as you wish. Give me 3-4 articles a day. And, sod off to your personal shit!”

Reminds you of a scene from ‘Parthiban Kanavu’? Only if young starter uppers, applied these gypsy like ideals.

Aspies have a tough sell in the work space

Well, being a writer is hard enough. When all you care to write is fiction, philosophy and occasional poetry; they ask non-fiction of you.

Forget about peace when you are in a startup. Asperger’s or aspies for short is a tough condition to fight it out.

Starups vary in kind. There are two. One Apple like. Others. Some are tough to get adapted to like Tesla. Some are a walk in the park, or a cake walk. Whichever is easier.

Startups are always figuring out the best workflow. Most of their time and energy is spent on keeping the workers occupied. Which is a layman’s approach. Instead if half the time were to be spent on minimizing expenditure, voila!

Nammalvar the great agricultural scientist would say the same. To reduce loss, avoid over-expenditure.

And, the combination of introverts and extroverts.

The play of ego is a sad one. Standing in between you and the young ones. What everyone loves and hates about the young ones is simple. We were awesome in that age, and aren’t anymore.

There is never ever a lack of drama, when you throw in people from various backgrounds. Put them all in a little umbrella. Name it cute.

‘ Hi cute!

We’re gonna destroy you from the inside. ‘

Make a faux pas and you’ll be branded with that image. Because human minds are that idiotic. Make a zillion beautiful things – nah!

“We’d like to belittle you for that one little mistake you made.

It is a reminder that we are all better than you. “

fuck all extroverts

the future belongs to the introverts

 

A dream of a life that’s fleeting

I hate dreams. I hate it’s imposing truth. The verisimilitudeness. I hate it how it scrounges all my inner desire and disturbs the illusory calm that I ever try to obtain.

What has happened?

Well she has aged for once. So was I. And, this time she has really matured. How can I tell? She confounded in me. Her love for me the very first time in the most serene and surreal moments of all my dreams.

Does it suffice to have a vicarious love story that’s spun by my subconscious?

Like Nolan ask I – ‘who are you to say which is which?’

For even dreams have the hiccups of reality. I couldn’t take her on a ride. As we strolled together the corridors of our school. My heart didn’t race, my legs didn’t tremble. Somehow I knew we belong together. Yet, I was a little ill prepared to handle it so cool. On the way to seek her friend some help, we separated. Only to reunite moments later, her warm scolding embrace. This very scene I’m trying expound has been on my mind ever since I have laid eyes on her. A man is lucky to have a women who hurts with love.

She has taken her time to choose. I don’t blame her for hesitating the first time around. If not for her doubt. If not for the pain that we endured. We mustn’t have come to such a place of strength and inner peace.

Now I tremble, for she lives in these very words and I mustn’t take her for granted. I’m gladder still, for she shows up rarely – in this blog and even in my mind. But her presence is felt, the essence of her sublime demeanor.

Mindfulness is Happiness

My previous post, which was in truth a spur of the moment Facebook wordage. I was just rubbing off of a friends post on humanity and its future. 

I try, time and again to inculcate to my dear readers – the power of now. 

Often times we’re lost in non-thought. I was the opposite, used to sit where I can and be lost light years from my body. 

Also, was I a victim to rash and unmindful behaviour. It was anxiety, mind fog & brain farts – joining hands like the avengers against my consciousness, as if it was the justice league. 

With a lot of help from family and a few friends I’m a little less depressed. Waiting to carpediem. 

But, our society and its not so kind advocates aren’t that forgetful, when it comes to a common man. The fight of a common man is almost against his fellow common men as it is against the system. As they are almost synonymous. We are not part of society, we are society says Jiddu Krishnamurti.