NPD: Delusions of grandeur

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

I might have shared my experience with certain character types that I absolutely hated. One of whom, I have the pleasure of calling dad. Going through this post by Dr.Perry, I was sad and delighted to learn that all the fights weren’t tough situations one had to grow out of.

Some people have it rough, to go through various emotions without any support or love. But, we make it through just in time to save face and pose as a fully functional human being.

The reality of it is NPD is nothing but a medical lingo for professional assholes, who are better off dead.

Lowering your levels

While many likened the unique character of Jack Sparrow, his carefree attitude and complete disregard for rules – it helped build a movie franchise, but ‘The Joker’ killed Heath Ledger and poisoned many youths.

When it grows beyond just fandom, it’s chaos. And, what’s that got to do with Narcissism and lowering your standards?

While NPD people try and compete with you regardless of your age and relationship, they poke you and drag to their levels of mediocrity. At times there won’t be enough choices but to seek to their level of meanness, just to survive.

Fighting back is an option

Many articles suggest cutting off the relationship completely is the best option, some of us don’t have that choice. A friend of mine broke down and cried in the middle of the road, she had an abusive father who would take advantage of her. Now, she’s left alone staying with the maniac while the siblings washed hands off the subject. She has to move away, that was my best advice. But, why is she staying with him still? She said in a funny tone ‘what can I do, can I have my friends beat him ?’

Fighting back in a manner that isn’t violent and definitely not lowering one’s perspective on life is a necessity in most cases. Removing all thoughts of vindictiveness is easier said than done, but all the attempts to help them realize their evil ways might turn futile.

Fightback still

Please read on the traits of a narcissistic asshole, point a finger and put him to shame. All they seek is attention and respect from the society, while they disregard the emotions of their family members, and take them for a ride. Please keep yourself informed, and lay a helping hand to people who are under the spell of bad chemicals in their brains.

Point finger to shame

This could save someone from being abused by professional assholes.


A Lesson On Human Behaviour

This post is going to be about:

  1. Self definition / lying to oneself
  2. Confrontation & Conflict
  3.  Distancing oneself from the negators

Here’s a chapter from everyday life, often enough people lie to themselves; like Leonard in Memento. But, the lies of the others seldom bother the common men, for they decide to march on ignoring the tales. In the face of a conflict however, things go awry of there is an imposition of self definition rooted on self delusion and narcissistic self indulgence – there is a whole lotta trouble.

Self definition like delusion

As Nolan says in the aforementioned movie, we all lie to ourselves in one point of time in the minuscule period of our life. But, that shouldn’t be the cause of a meaningless conflict which could drag people apart. Time and again, I’ve faced people who thrust false definitions of themselves onto me. I usually turn my cheek to such behavior, but when my peace is shattered – especially my sleep! There are repercussions to the causer of anxiety!!

Conflict could be catastrophic says Vision in Civil War

Alfred Hitchcock is known to cause silly troubles at the sets of his films. Tormenting poor actresses with practical jokes which could in the end pay off well with their performances. If you could or couldn’t see Hitch playing such pranks is an another matter, but here my point is – even such a jovial person takes conflicts so seriously.

Take a look at this interview, where he confesses his hate for any sharp word.

Is there a solution besides running away?

I have called BS on the negators who’d rather shy away pointing the finger instead of accepting their own. I find it best to say it to them, that their behaviour is of ill thought. I even went far ahead and said that the flaw is deep rooted and you can’t change it even if you try. Then, I distance myself from them.

It is best to point out their narcissistic characteristic trait and  walk away with a stern face. There is no room for emotions, sympathy or empathy in such scenarios. These people constantly way in if they can dig in any flaw to punch on it; or scounder to pull you down. These people can’t be rid off the face of the earth. They feed on anxiety and any creative & philosophical difference they can find.

Bullies can’t be banished. “This isn’t reality TV” Instead, we can opt to stand our ground and go on going on.


The Hard Truths

If you have a good memory for inane details from books & movies instead of essentials, you are like me. And, might know the line from George RR Martin…

Most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it.

A little bit of brew helps a long way in revealing the truths, even to yourself. All we have to do is to stay immobile, reflect on our thoughts and breathe.

The trite with entrepreneurship

I dallied with the idea of a startup where I would be the king. It’s not roses and wine here, rather sleepless nights and worrying times. To make things worse I dragged my friends into this, to help me worry more on the way of things. I thought it would be easier to have them on my side, but we’re not in Stand By Me – age anymore.

Adulthood is sucky I wanna be a child again

I want to go back to the times where I’d rather have a tight sleep with a gripping novel in a cold night. No women or drink in my mind to tease with sleeplessness.

Where are the cartoons and wrestling videos that felt like heaven? Why can’t time twist backwards?

Sorry to be me

In a long while, I repent my sins as an introvert. A loner who seeks out peace, rather than a crowd to please. It’s all a beauty contest, not to steal from my favourite movie – Little Miss Sunshine. But, it’s all there is… superficial, most are not just plain stupid, also jailed to their own little realities unaware of the cosmos.

The BellCurve

Incidentally, trying to name the startup – I came up with the name BellCurve, which lead me to a book that discusses why intelligent men move away from the un-gifted. Also, the book had a touchy idea about differences in racial intelligence, which crossed my mind long ago. Why can’t intelligence be backtracked to the DNA of your ancestors? Science doesn’t care about any petty feelings.

Blog walking again

In a way, just like autofiction and diaries, blog walking helps curb anxties.I agree, this isn’t journalism or any art form that literary bookworms would appreciate. Just a space to vent – good enough for any writer.

A house divided – more movie references

Just like the characters in Prestige, I’m having a difference of opinion by the days. A part of me is suggesting to stick to what I know. Another part of me just wants to dive wide and reach the arts in the modernity.

Memories play trick

You get old enough having enough troubles to attend to. Memory is one such which you can’t afford to lose. Who you are is what you remember. And, the list of dejavus, the characters in life that remind you of you from years older won’t be any help in your growing up…

Beer’s running out…let me catch you after a wee. . .

The difficulty to emote: an observation

Caution: not for the faint of heart

With this post, I’m going to discuss the difficulty to emote; especially with small minds. Please try to follow my line of thought, if this has a direct connection with you – your usual defenses might spike up involuntarily.

The Problem

I have noticed that some people tend to act in a certain way. The behavior of continual insistence on what one wants (unlike Steven J’s Reality Diffusion) is an act of stupidity. I’ve encountered plentiful people who inhabit this behavior, the following is the usual tactics which are followed by their like.

Characteristic one: The Special

Some people with low intelligence believe that they are really special. The very belief gives them a license to behave in any certain way they want. ‘The exception’ ideology gives them the confidence to approach anyone at any time for any help.

They boast their capability to be flexible and connect with everyone. But, in truth, they are specialists in emotionally convincing someone or making one feel guilty of not helping. Usually, these kinds of small minds have high egos and superficial and unbreakable self-images.

Characteristic two: The Autists

A few of these personalities who possess Autistic spectrum disorder aren’t really to blame. It is rather hard for one to satisfy them, be it emotionally or personally.

You need to be very careful in identifying the autists, and if you do – must act diligently. For the autistic personalities are incapable to connect and emote with society. So, asking them to be in line with the society is ridiculous.

There you go, as far as I know, the selfish gene is apparent in these two characteristic types. You must take caution in identifying the autists from others, so that you don’t give the special treatment to those who think they’re ‘Special’.

A little bit deeper

In a closer observation, I did find the nagging behavior in people who are practicing abstinence. They probably didn’t ‘get any’, which makes them angry – just like with apes and elephants. So, they disguise their anger with repeated discontent with society and act in hostile manners.

The solution

The discussion here may not be based on scientific evidence, but they’re built on my keen observation. To add on to it, I was acting in this ‘small minded’ way. But, I took measure in understanding that intelligence doesn’t simply come from the ability to change; rather, to be able to emote.

I’d suggest you consult those who harass or make you uncomfortable with these silly behaviors. And, offer them the solution – get some or get real!

In the middle of a rock & hard

Kicking a habit is easy, all you need is motivation. But, with the detox comes a cocktail of emotions. With this post, I’m going to share with you readers, where I am at.

The love that every often seems a grasp away, is yet a grasp away. And, with some weird luck, I’m passing off as a non-anxiety ridden person. No thanks to drugs and all hail ‘el musica’. For its been quite some time, that I’ve quit the ‘anxiety pills’. If I’m right, it did more harm than good.

But, one look at the mirror, I’m happy. Tired truly from the work, ready to hit the hay. A lesson learned, from the loss of a gig. A high profile gig, turned sour. Thanks to many, especially that one girl who is all cute and smiley – but when it comes to work she is a tortoise, in a rat race.

How did I mess up?

To be frank, I fucked up the opportunity. Wasn’t prepared to handle the workload. And, all thanks to her no one to guide or coach me through. Damn you gal!!!

It’s just making me Hulky!

I made wrong choices, one of which was self-delusion and medication. Upping the dosage reversed the reaction. Anxiety returned like a monster, in the pretence of a self-confident  – walking tall bloke.

If it were no more regrets

They say, regrets don’t matter. But, let me break it open when I’m sober. Rushing up, without proper gear and army – doomed to die be it Cap America or Bruce the Lee. And, who was I?

One strong one weak?

Speaking in the local language, and occupied in the rat race – I have become distant with English. No time to read, the half-finished Paulo Coelho still staring me silly! I take a look at my words, are they mine? Is this my style? Has it been corrupted from other formats. In the name of SEO, traction and other BS?

Nothing more to complain, there I’ve written more than 300 words, that’s ought to satisfy the bots. Damn scrawlers spoiling my ramblings. Nazis ruining my thought flow with rules.

Growing up to love

‘Swingers’ is a movie I enjoy every often. It’s almost an equivalent to ‘Chasing Amy’.

The movie beautifully treads on – what seems to be a huge chunk of my adult life.

To be obsessed over this lost, once perfect (in a dream maybe) relationship. That is pristine in its perfection, etched like ‘David’.

I tried to implement the love lessons from this movie. Take a look at the wonderful dialogue that is exchanged between John Favreau and Ron Livingston (‘Office Space’).

Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is, man. It’s like, you wake up every day and it hurts a little bit less, and then you wake up one day and it doesn’t hurt at all. And the funny thing is, is that, this is kinda wierd, but it’s like, it’s like you almost miss that pain.

I’m way over the missing the pain phase. Sometimes it’s like, I used to care so much. And, I might switch back to ‘where is she’ & ‘what’s she doing’ phase like Kabali Khan. But, not anymore.

If we’re having an okayish life being far away. Without much interaction and missing of any kind; is there any point in looking back?

Maybe this is me growing up like Mike (John). Only there were very few Trent-s (Vince Vaughn) and Rob-s in my life. To give me a perfect man-o-man talk.

If you’re in doubt. Hungover a girl?

There are other beauties to be hungover with. Absolut Vodka and Jack Old No.7 are a few to name. go check out the movie. Will be sharing a few more favourites of mine. Cheerios muchachoos 🙂


How many dreamless sleeps have you had?

“A hard day’s night. And, I’ve been sleeping like a log. – The Beatles”

So goes the song. If my memory serves me right. It’d be close to a handful. That. I’ve actually slept like a log.

Heavy work weeks give me nightmares. Deadlines this. Submissions that. Whoa give me some room for my life!

The weekend parties can wait. I’ve decided to take one off. Wanted to finish Coelo’s Brida in a day. It’s a good read. But, man oh man. Was I tired?

All the drama and politics at work. I regretted my decision to help out a kiddy colleague. Who am I to interfere in her romantic life? But, couldn’t be a bystander at a street row. Women beaters must be jailed. Tortured. And then, sentenced to death.

Any who. The sleep was necessary. Sometimes the body takes what it wants. Then, we realise the importance. Feeling rejuvenated. Ready to face the oncoming work week.

But, wait. The clothes needs to be washed. Pressed and. The match. Can’t miss the Ind vs Pak. Maybe in a decent pub. Crowdy atmosphere. Collective intelligence gathered on a single purpose. Wanting to see our nation win. Yeah. Am on for it.

Balancing work – life isn’t an art. No BS. We just need to set our priorities right. If we’re buried with work. For a fixed pay. Hoping for recognition. Appreciation. No shit. It’s all work and no play.

Hemingway put it eloquently:

It’s just juvenile to expect people to work as per the pay. Many organisations do this mistake. Asking someone to work based on the amount they’ve agreed to pay.

Instead, be forthright. Quote how much you can afford. For the work, the potential employee is ready to pull out. Keeping clear deliverables helps reducing unwanted conflicts.

All I want from an organisation is to say the lines. “Work as you wish. Give me 3-4 articles a day. And, sod off to your personal shit!”

Reminds you of a scene from ‘Parthiban Kanavu’? Only if young starter uppers, applied these gypsy like ideals.

Aspies have a tough sell in the work space

Well, being a writer is hard enough. When all you care to write is fiction, philosophy and occasional poetry; they ask non-fiction of you.

Forget about peace when you are in a startup. Asperger’s or aspies for short is a tough condition to fight it out.

Starups vary in kind. There are two. One Apple like. Others. Some are tough to get adapted to like Tesla. Some are a walk in the park, or a cake walk. Whichever is easier.

Startups are always figuring out the best workflow. Most of their time and energy is spent on keeping the workers occupied. Which is a layman’s approach. Instead if half the time were to be spent on minimizing expenditure, voila!

Nammalvar the great agricultural scientist would say the same. To reduce loss, avoid over-expenditure.

And, the combination of introverts and extroverts.

The play of ego is a sad one. Standing in between you and the young ones. What everyone loves and hates about the young ones is simple. We were awesome in that age, and aren’t anymore.

There is never ever a lack of drama, when you throw in people from various backgrounds. Put them all in a little umbrella. Name it cute.

‘ Hi cute!

We’re gonna destroy you from the inside. ‘

Make a faux pas and you’ll be branded with that image. Because human minds are that idiotic. Make a zillion beautiful things – nah!

“We’d like to belittle you for that one little mistake you made.

It is a reminder that we are all better than you. “

fuck all extroverts

the future belongs to the introverts


A dream of a life that’s fleeting

I hate dreams. I hate it’s imposing truth. The verisimilitudeness. I hate it how it scrounges all my inner desire and disturbs the illusory calm that I ever try to obtain.

What has happened?

Well she has aged for once. So was I. And, this time she has really matured. How can I tell? She confounded in me. Her love for me the very first time in the most serene and surreal moments of all my dreams.

Does it suffice to have a vicarious love story that’s spun by my subconscious?

Like Nolan ask I – ‘who are you to say which is which?’

For even dreams have the hiccups of reality. I couldn’t take her on a ride. As we strolled together the corridors of our school. My heart didn’t race, my legs didn’t tremble. Somehow I knew we belong together. Yet, I was a little ill prepared to handle it so cool. On the way to seek her friend some help, we separated. Only to reunite moments later, her warm scolding embrace. This very scene I’m trying expound has been on my mind ever since I have laid eyes on her. A man is lucky to have a women who hurts with love.

She has taken her time to choose. I don’t blame her for hesitating the first time around. If not for her doubt. If not for the pain that we endured. We mustn’t have come to such a place of strength and inner peace.

Now I tremble, for she lives in these very words and I mustn’t take her for granted. I’m gladder still, for she shows up rarely – in this blog and even in my mind. But her presence is felt, the essence of her sublime demeanor.

Mindfulness is Happiness

My previous post, which was in truth a spur of the moment Facebook wordage. I was just rubbing off of a friends post on humanity and its future. 

I try, time and again to inculcate to my dear readers – the power of now. 

Often times we’re lost in non-thought. I was the opposite, used to sit where I can and be lost light years from my body. 

Also, was I a victim to rash and unmindful behaviour. It was anxiety, mind fog & brain farts – joining hands like the avengers against my consciousness, as if it was the justice league. 

With a lot of help from family and a few friends I’m a little less depressed. Waiting to carpediem. 

But, our society and its not so kind advocates aren’t that forgetful, when it comes to a common man. The fight of a common man is almost against his fellow common men as it is against the system. As they are almost synonymous. We are not part of society, we are society says Jiddu Krishnamurti.